That place of whatever

“Is it serious?” her best friend asked

Was it? Was she in love? Is this what love was? A mix of fear and anticipation? She wasn’t ready to admit to that. It looked too much like the stuff everyone talks about that she had always sworn was made up. All that losing your appetite because you had a disagreement or feeling like you can’t do anything else with your day just because plans have been cancelled and wanting to just want to stay in bed and sulk. No, that wasn’t love. That was probably some kind of disease you picked from being amongst the wrong company for a little longer than you ought.

“Well?” her friend asked, looking her straight in the eye. She recognized that look. She had seen it countless times before. This wasn’t the first time she was talking to her best friend about men. They’d known each other since they were twelve but more than ten years later and they still teased each other whenever the subject of love came up. However, she received more of the teasing. Her friend knew her too well, she knew that all the cynicism and nonchalance was a façade. She knew that secretly, she was waiting for her soul mate, and just the thought of that made her cringe at the desperation of it all!

“it’s complicated” she finally said ,” It might be.”

She knew how she felt about him. She had known for some time now. It was so simple yet so complicated. She wanted to be with him all the time. Yes, she could hear her own thoughts, and yes she admitted she sounded cheesy and so cliché but that was the truth. It all happened so fast. She’d had a little crash on him and had a few fantasies about the two of them that she was beyond sure she’d never act upon. It was all physical at first, at least she was convinced it was, exciting in all the ways a lust filled relationship is. She had always believed those were not the foundations on which great relationships were built so in her head, it had ended before it even began.

She remembered it all so well, the first time she had attempted to walk away from this “thing” that they had both declined to label. She remembered the pain, yes but she remembered how it had only lasted two weeks that felt like months. She remembered tapping herself on the back and congratulating herself on making such a bold and wise move, a true sign of maturity and how far she’d come in terms of not letting emotions control her. But she also remembers the overwhelming sadness, how her victory felt like a loss instead, how this man had made her question all the things she had decided upon.

“Well…I have a toothbrush at his place” she added wryly, and they both laughed

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