He is speaking but I do not think I am listening. Frankly speaking, I do not want to listen. His tone is one that is begging for sympathy, his stories are going to dampen my mood. I am not ready to deal with this. I do not think I was built for this, a complaining man. The kind of man whose speech is made of excuses and reasons as to why he has not been able to do what he was supposed to. I refuse to entertain such.
I am not one for stereotypes and I may not necessarily have a list written down of what constitutes a man apart from the obvious, what God made him of, but there are certain things I personally cannot live with.
I have spent the bigger part of my life feeling the need to be and being strong. It all started with this whole being the youngest child in the house and the obvious last born favour annoying the rest that led to name calling. Again the stereotype that a last born child should be bratty got on my young mind as something to fight. I was determined to prove everyone wrong. I have always been strong.
I developed a spirit so independent it baffled my own mother at some point. Ending up in an all-girls school did not help because as much as people who advocate for women’s rights mean well, there are those who have totally missed the point and are simply angry. However, being in an all-girls school among other things developed in me the spirit that “because you are female” should never be a reason for anyone to dictate why I should or should not do certain things with the exception of those dictated by nature.
In short, in my two decades and something years of existence, I have fought a lot.It therefore follows naturally that I am tired. In choosing a man, and this my friends is not a list, there are certain things that are not simply desires but play a very crucial part in my attraction to men
Strength. All kinds of strength. I will not pretend that muscles are not attractive, they most definitely are, but I do not necessarily need a Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson affair. I just want a man who won’t wince when I sit on his lap. However, the more important kind of strength is inner strength. I want a man with whom I can be the last born child I never got a chance to be because I was so busy proving points. Granted it is not his fault but like I said, I am tired, I am not ready to carry any more people.
Resilience. Let us all admit that life is hard, is never fair and has the most malicious ways of surprising you. It can be easy to get into foetal position and wish away the problems but that is not an answer. That will not work for me. You see, I freak out sometimes when really bad things happen; as in I walk away from situations, find a quiet place and constantly tell myself to breathe until I am sure I will not forget to breathe. In those moments, I usually long for the strong (again this is crucial) arms of someone close to my heart, to wrap around me properly. I then need them to tell me to get up, go back and kick ass.
A good tongue. I do not subscribe to the school of thought that only sticks and stones break bones. No. Words are an extremely dangerous thing. If every time you open your mouth all I hear are reasons why things will not work, or the things you hate about x, or the biggest problem with Y…goodbye. It is normal and healthy to have preferences but if you live your life looking for things to hate, no sir. I have got no room in my life for that. I would watch a Spanish soap or Nigerian movie if I was looking for a dark view on life.
Do not stereotype me. Actually take the time to listen to me and find out for real who I am. If I happen to share characteristics with a certain group of people, then so be it but do not stereotype me in any and all aspects e.g my faith, my weave choice or lack of , my food portions(yes!!! People can be judgmental!) to mention but a few. Whatever it is, just do not
“k” “ikr” “idk” “thnks” “gs” I can’t. I just can’t.