I almost cut my jeans today. I had it all planned out. You see, I have this theory when it comes to clothes. If you don’t want to wear it, get rid of it. The jeans are quite old. They don’t fit well anymore and any time I have worn them in the past year has been an entire day of regrets and being self-conscious.
I looked for the scissors and set about cutting them into shorts. That way, I can only wear them at home, to do things like laundry. I was going to cut them and then write a blog post about letting go of old things and giving yourself space for the new. Except I didn’t. When I got the scissors, I remembered I was due to go to the tailor to re-adjust some skirts and wondered if I couldn’t do the same for my jeans as well.
I was supposed to come and talk about how it is okay to release things. It is the beginning of a new month and probably the best time to let go of certain things.
However, it’s okay if it’s the beginning of yet another month and you are not ready to let go just yet. It’s okay if a relationship ended and you are yet to change your whatsapp wall paper from a picture of the two of you to…what do you even change to? It’s okay if you are not ready to decide whether you should return or burn all the letters you ever received from the other person. It’s okay if you are not yet ready to decide how you want to pray about this. Just because it’s the beginning of a day or a week or a month or a year or a new age does not mean everything else in your life has to be ready.
Today I stayed home most of the day. I did my laundry. I actually just washed two pairs of bed sheets. I scrubbed the bathroom. I decided on and tried out an outfit for a dinner I have on Saturday. I removed from the line and ironed previously washed bed sheets. I made my bed. I spent an evening with two friends drinking wine, eating ice-cream and talking about life and then I came home and I changed my whatsapp wallpaper.
I don’t know if anyone ever knows when they’ll be ready. I guess the most we can do is hope to be ready by a certain time. You can work towards being ready if it’s an exam or a tournament you’re preparing for. However, I don’t know if anyone ever knows beforehand when they’ll be ready to let go.
I guess I just came here to tell you that it’s okay. Take time. Think the thoughts. Feel the feels.
Joel told me last week, “Sometimes we need lemonade. Yes. I mean Beyoncé . To go through it all. To feel the anger. The pain. The loss. To want retribution. To come to a final place where Jesus and only Jesus can take the wheel”